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Mum, I’m pregnant!

28/03/2010

It was Christmas Eve, arguably the most exciting day in the calendar or at least on a par with ‘Tomorrow we’re off on holiday’. The girls were in the bath, supported by the bath seats allowing them to splash and play safely and Megan and I were chatting whilst we gave them an extra five minutes to enjoy the bubbles.

She’d arrived from Italy hours earlier in a camper van with her boyfriend who I was meeting for the first time. I was very dubious about him to say the least which I shall explain in a future post but this was Christmas, he had made the effort to come and meet us all and I was so happy to have my darling daughter back with me that I would have accepted ANYTHING. And anyway, maybe he wasn’t so bad after all, maybe he was genuine. I had the obligation to at least give him the benefit of the doubt.

Megan had been living with me up until June when she decided to return to Italy for the summer so she could be close to her dad, work in the family hotel and return in the autumn for her college. At least that was what she told us.

Alice and Bessie were squealing with fun and I knew I didn’t have too much time left before they passed from happy, fun little chicks to ratty tired overdone it babies. I assessed my working space, making sure I had everything to hand for a quick drying and dressing session.

‘Mum, I’m pregnant…. ‘

Probably, somewhere in the back of my mind I had been expecting this. As if I knew it would happen.

‘Come here.’ I pulled her close to me as the tears welled up in her eyes with the weight of this enormous secret she had to tell me.

What are you going to do? I didn’t have to think twice, this wasn’t my decision anymore. She had a relationship, her boyfriend was a grown man of 32. I automatically presumed they must have talked about it before telling me and they must have had a plan in action.

We’re not sure mum. We don’t know whether to keep the baby or not.

Practical mum that I am, I took her through step by step her two options. Only two, go ahead or not. I tackled the termination first, using my best steady practical voice. I explained the method, what would happen to her before, during and after. You see in my quest for a child with Paul I would fall pregnant, go for a viability scan and see that the sac had grown perfectly, the placenta was in place but there was no baby. As my body was being fooled by hormones from a healthy placenta it hadn’t started the natural termination procedure, I therefore had to go into hospital and have a D&C. So I knew what it was all about.

Completed this option we went on to discuss pregnancy, the effect a baby would have on her at 18 and the fact that a child was for life. With the twins dressed and ready to go downstairs, off we went, Megan taking in every word I was saying. I stopped by the spare room and picked up a book I had finished with now realising why I hadn’t given it away. It was a week by week pregnancy book that I passed on to my beloved daughter.

‘This, is an excellent book.’ I said handing it over, it might help you make up your mind.

‘I want you to know Megan that I will support you with whatever decision you choose but I want you to make sure you make the right decision. I don’t want you crying on my shoulder in ten years time that you wish you hadn’t kept the baby or vice versa that you had. Once you’ve made your choice go ahead with it and never look back at the ifs and buts.’

Of course, I wish she had waited longer, that she’d been more careful, that she was still at home with me, her mummy. But destiny once again had a different plan for us all.

Here they are together at Christmas just gone, my beautiful daughter and delightful granddaughter who I’m hoping to see very soon.

I hate the fact they live so far away (Italy)

I hate the fact I can’t be there for them, help Megan when she’s tired, cuddle Gracey whenever I please.

But I have to live with it and hopefully one day I will understand.

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