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It’s over.


I never got to hear those words directly from my ex husband’s mouth as he didn’t have the guts to tell me. Or maybe he just didn’t care?

By the time I had figured it out for myself. I was no longer part of his life having been removed 100%. He had totally moved on only he hadn’t told me. The fact that physically I was still around annoyed him so much he chose to avoid me. Completely.

It was four nights I counted since he last slept at home and I decided to investigate further, find out what was going on?

Why had I waited four nights? Well, ours was a family hotel business and it was the height of summer, a beautifully hot and sunny August to be precise and Ferr’agosto, was knocking at the door – the Italian summer bank holiday, the busiest time of year. The hotel has over 120 guests in August, all in full board, paying top whack and quite rightly expecting nothing less than perfection.

In the old vaults of the hotel we had created an incredibly successful wine bar. It was renowned all over the region and everyone wanted to go there. Excellent music, alcohol and a lively party atmosphere made ‘La Cantina’ one of the most sought after places on the highland. It opened after dinner and most nights closed as the sun was creeping over the mountain in the distance marking the start of another day. Chicco would return exhausted and crash into bed and sometimes, if he’d drunk too much, he would sleep in his mother’s old bedroom in the hotel that was now kept for storage.

I made various calls to Chicco on his mobile throughout the four days, none of them were returned but this didn’t set alarm bells ringing either as he is the most unorganised person on the planet and past experience told me that it wasn’t worth questioning him about it as it would just make him angry. He got stressed  very easily and when he lost his temper he would break furniture, smash windows and petrify us all, so it was just better to keep quiet.

It was on the fifth day, a Saturday as I was at home, that I decided to go and find him.

I searched all over the hotel. I asked at reception and was answered by my brother-in-law’s girlfriends’ shrugged shoulders and couldn’t care less expression. In the kitchen, the chef didn’t know and wasn’t particularly bothered either, probably pissed off again with his bosses complete lack of attention to his section. 

I asked at the bar and Gisella, the transvestite looking witch – sorry barmaid, barged in the conversation as usual to prove that she was Queen Bee in Barland but still didn’t know where he was. Hateful, hateful woman.

I checked the ‘Cantina’, the swimming pool and the sauna and I finally found him laying on a sun-lounger on his own in the garden.

I braced myself. It had to be done.

‘Hi’, wearing a smile I made my way over, pleased to have found him on his own and not surrounded by all of his usual arse lickers. ‘What’s going on?’


I couldn’t believe it. Once again on cue we were being interrupted, this time by Walter, funnily enough the friend who got us together in the first place. It was as if all of the people surrounding him were trying their best to keep us apart.

I raised my arms exasperated, I exhaled loudly and made to turn away, but Chicco, to my disbelief put Walter off to later and on my suggestion of talking, he agreed.

I drove us to Fiorentini where we wouldn’t be disturbed. It was a glorious sunny afternoon and we sat and talked for over an hour. I cried, I couldn’t help myself. From somewhere deep inside me, I knew he was having an affair – with Sabrina, our twenty something barmaid who worked in the Cantina with him but he would not be drawn into discussion and kept saying over and over, I don’t know why you keep mentioning Sabrina.

It was August 2003. We had been together since autumn 1985. I had moved country to be with him. I had borne him two children. I had already tried to leave him three times for various reasons but each time failing and returning and here I was at The End.

But the worst part wasn’t the knowledge that it was over, it wasn’t the fact that I had been replaced so easily with a blonde, busty girl who wore minis and tops with her cleavage falling out.

No, the worse thing of all this mess was after 18 years he didn’t have the courage to tell me first. As you can probably imagine, their affair had been ongoing for a while now and the more I thought about it, the more came back to me. Why on our camper van holiday he hadn’t wanted to share a bed claiming it was too hot. It was hot, it was June in Puglia but lovers sleep together regardless. Their idea to dress up at Carnival in February as Tarzan and Jane. Of course, they were already a couple! ..and his ski trip back in January where he’d gone to chill out after the Christmas rush (the only member of the family in need of a holiday) must have been a trip with her.

Enrico Struffi, everyone’s friend. The man who is so generous, makes everyone feel comfortable and the one who’s always joking and laughing, surrounded by people wanting to impress him and be one of his friends. The man who is so kind, going out of his way to help people in need. Yes, this very man, he turned his back and never glanced back.

Nope, Enrico was out for revenge, out for the maximum kill. The more I visibly hurt, the more joy he gained and the more his spiteful self was gratified. It’s funny I can hear his vicious laughter as I write these words.

This post has been written for Josie’s Writing workshop. I chose prompt 4. Share a time when you felt a deep sense of rejection. How did you move past it?

I’ve already written over a 1000 words and haven’t touched on how I moved past it. I did though and I will get round to telling you one day.

Writing workshop

19 Comments leave one →
  1. 30/03/2010 3:23 pm

    Oh My, Mari. That is just terrible, hurtful and beyond forgivable. Although I have to say you sound as though you have two wonderful children.

  2. 30/03/2010 3:32 pm

    Thank goodness for my two children who make sense of so much lost time. I’m just so glad it’s now the past 🙂

  3. 30/03/2010 4:33 pm

    oh that just broke my heart. *big hugs* for you sweety. I do look forward to hearing your story of moving past it though, so glad that you did. You are obviously far too good for him.

  4. 30/03/2010 6:05 pm

    F%^king B@#tard. That’s all.

    I’m glad you moved past it. 18 years and two kids tossed away on a blond bimbo and then not the decency to even tell? Not sure I could move past it.

    The not telling part is actually the worst to me. To make you seek out the truth like that.

    I repeat: F%^king B@#tard.

    • 31/03/2010 3:27 pm

      Yep, he was/is. We still don’t get on. He can’t bear to see me! Asks the children to keep me away from the hotel when I visit. Idiot, as if he thinks I want to see him!

  5. 30/03/2010 8:25 pm

    Oh Mari there’s no words I can come out with.

    It sounds like what happened worked out for the best for you. ((hugs))

    • 31/03/2010 3:28 pm

      It sure did. I’m so glad it all happened (now, not back then!) as I am in such a wonderful lovely place with a man who is the best thing ever for me.

      • 01/04/2010 9:50 pm

        Yes.. and you have two beautiful little girls as well as your two lovely big children, and beautiful grand-daughter. 🙂

  6. alessandra smith permalink
    31/03/2010 10:58 am

    Marianne, it must have been such a dark, painful, cold & confusing place to be….fortunately I know how the story goes on and I know that your strength and determination have seen you through all that pain and brought you to a REAL good man, a good life, two more splendid children to add to the ones you already have and love so much: a place of sunshine and warmth!!
    lots of love.

    • 31/03/2010 3:29 pm

      yes, you did see it all unfold from start to finish – the good and the bad. So very pleased to be able to look back at it and leave it behind. 🙂

  7. 31/03/2010 1:42 pm

    Dreadful. Just dreadful. I can’t imagine how devastating that must have been for you.

  8. 01/04/2010 9:17 pm

    That’s a long time to be with someone and have them be so cruel, so disrespectful. No words. I agree with what you say about things making you stronger. I truly believe that good can come from bad experiences, it takes time though doesn’t it. Beautifully written as always.

  9. 01/04/2010 11:34 pm

    Mari, that’s just awful. I’m so sorry you went through all that and am so glad that you are now the strong, amazing woman I’m getting to know. x

  10. 02/04/2010 3:24 pm

    This really moved me. Glad you have moved on. He was so not worth it I am sure you know it now.

  11. 07/04/2010 9:32 pm

    Thank you for writing this, I hope you write the rest. My husband virtually ‘disappeared’ for 2 weeks before I worked out he had gone for good. I didn’t have a clue. He didn’t tell me either- they are such cowards. I am still trying to work it all out…having great difficulty though. :0(

  12. 11/04/2010 9:13 am

    What a horrendous experience. I can’t imagine the pain you must have felt. I look forward to hearing how you moved on form it and glad that you feel it has all worked out for you.

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