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It was meant to be

05/08/2010

Sometimes in life we have to go through enormous changes quite opposite to what we want at that moment in time.

We cry. We scream ‘Why me?’ We indulge in self pity and more than anything we fight for things to stay As They Were.

Then we realise it’s pointless. We have to give in and accept our lot and make the most of it. It’s only in retrospect that we can see that if those uncomfortable changes hadn’t happened we wouldn’t be in the wonderful place we are today. It Couldn’t Have Happened. Otherwise quite simply we’d still be there.

Enrico and I had had an incredibly volatile relationship, neither of us would back down and I was not going to be a good quiet wife who sat at home, brought the children up and had no pretences in life. I came from the UK where independence had been installed in me since I was a toddler, where we had career lessons from age 11 and we were led to believe we were worth something, we could have the dream life and all we had to do was work hard for it. I also knew it takes two to make a relationship work.

Throughout our relationship I would get so fed up with his lack of interest in our family life that I would leave him, taking the children with me and trying my goddamn hardest to start a new life but it never worked as The Time Wasn’t Right and I ended up getting back with him  much to the delight of my children. Bless their hearts.

The last time we got back together was after a year long separation where I had returned to the UK and set up home. My stay in the UK had been an incredible fight where I was beaten bit by bit along the way until I eventually returned to Folgaria at the end of February to be with my children as they had returned a few months previously, Thomas hated English schools. He was being bullied and made to feel very unwelcome ‘Go home Italian, no one wants you here.’

So he called his dad who came to pick him up and they both went home. Megan decided she prefered to stay with her brother rather than be separated from him too.

I can’t tell you the pain, having strived so hard, invested so much money to have it all crumble in front of me for some bully at St Johns.

So I returned to Italy. Enrico came on to me surprisingly quickly and it took all of my diplomatic skills to stave him off and lead a single life. ‘Let’s wait Enrico, we’ve been apart too long, we’ve made too many mistakes along the way. You live your life and I’ll live mine for now. If we happen to spark up again, so be it but for the moment each to their own corner. He didn’t like that. He didn’t like being told no.

Two weeks later, our house burnt down and we were thrust into an apartment together, day in day out. One thing led to another and before I knew it we had a relationship again. At least the children were happy and I could concentrate on them.

We had family holidays, Christmases, and he even bought me my first diamond ring. A beautiful diamond of excellent quality which I still have to this day, thank God as it was the only thing later on in court that proved we had lived as a couple – which he was trying to deny to avoid paying me any money.

During that time he worked in his family hotel and spent all his energy there. He was surrounded by ‘friends’ who he liked and I didn’t, all hangers on, vying for his attention and his favour which of course he adored.

I worked in a restaurant, Maso Spilzi in Folgaria that I was running together with my brother and his wife. Things weren’t so cosy for us, after two years, we were still running dreadful losses and times were very tight.

Enrico and I had drifted apart. I was angry with him. We’d taken on this restaurant because of him, he’d thought it an excellent idea and initially had so many ideas. But as time passed he left us to our own devices and then scorned us for not being successful. he would take his ‘friends’ to another restaurant in town for dinner 3-4 times a week and our place would be almost empty and more to the point the till was empty too.

I left the restaurant when I was offered a job at Folgaria Vacanze, I hadn’t had a wage for so long and the restaurant barely covered my brother’s expenses so we all agreed it was a good idea.

I loved the job and finally had somewhere to implement my English, my office skills, my organisation skills and plenty more.

I was in a sense content; home with my children, husband back with us – (ok it was never going to be any better than that – back with us- and I had accepted that now) and a job that I enjoyed and allowed me to earn some money and respect from the villagers.

So I never really noticed at first how distant Enrico was. It’s only looking back that I now see how long his affair had been going on. At carnival when they had ordered costumes of Tarzan and Jane. When we were on holiday in Puglia and his constant texting (to who?) his desire to sleep alone in our camper rather than in bed with me as it was ‘Too hot!’

I still hadn’t realised in August when she would come and sit with me and friends. She’d be throwing herself all over Luca and I was worried for his girlfriend!!!

It only hit home when he didn’t return home to sleep for 4 days. I then knew he wasn’t coming back.

Not that that made it any better. It’s like an Eureka moment ‘Oh My God! He’s having an affair with Sabrina!

How had I missed that?

I had to go and find him and find out for myself what was going on. And then came the pain, the fear of the future, the loneliness and the bitterness towards him, towards her.

I hated her.

One more year I stayed in Italy before returning to England. I’d go out with a girlfriend and bump into them entering a restaurant, or bar, or walking hand in hand.

People would tell me where they had been and what they had been doing.

It was eating away at me and I had to get out of this situation.

I NEEDED something to happen. I NEEDED change.

It came. My work sent me on various European trips to attend exhibitions in order to promote Folgaria as a holiday resort and in Birmingham I bumped into a man from the Italian Tourist Board. A couple of emails, a flight over for the interview and the job was mine. It was meant to be.

Fate had looked out for me. Suddenly everything was falling into place.

I needed a house to live in as I was camping at my grandmothers, we found one and two weeks later I moved in. It was meant to be.

Megan came to live with me and I bumped into my next-door neighbour who is now the man and love of my life. It was meant to be.

After a few years of trying to conceive, we gave birth to our darling twins in July ’08. It was meant to be.

I have never been so convinced that all that heartache and pain served a purpose and that something better was waiting in the wings for me.

It was all meant to be and now I am the happiest Mari in the world.

Writing workshopA very long post today but I had to tell it as it is/was written for the lovely Josie’s Writing Workshop I used prompt 1. Do you believe in fate? What in your life feels ‘meant to be’, good or otherwise.
There are some wonderful entries this week, go take a look and indulge in a little reading with a nice cuppa.

Photo ennor

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6 Comments leave one →
  1. 05/08/2010 4:21 pm

    I was totally gripped and immersed in this post…..thank you for sharing it. It was just so lovely and honest. Good luck to you xxx

    • 06/08/2010 1:26 pm

      Thank you Emma, I’m glad you enjoyed it and I hope fate looks after you too 🙂

  2. 05/08/2010 5:58 pm

    Take it from me !Life is a roller coaster! You have to suffer the bad to appreciate the good! As always,I wish you sunshine love and laughter x

    • 06/08/2010 1:27 pm

      YOu hit the nail on the head again Carol 🙂 Wishing YOU sunshine love and laughter too xx

  3. ourprivateblog permalink
    06/08/2010 1:50 pm

    For so many reasons I truely believe in the ‘it was meant to be’ !!!!

    • 06/08/2010 2:32 pm

      Me too and sometimes you’ve just got to give into it as it always works out for the best 🙂

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