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This is where I’m at….

23/09/2010

Writing workshopHad she known that day was to be the day she would meet her future husband she would have spent a lot more attention on her appearance. She would have tried on her entire wardrobe leaving it piled up on the bed to be put away later and she would have spent hours in front of the mirror trying various shades of eyeshadow and lipstick.

As it was she woke with a start realising that she’d overslept the snooze button yet again. She leapt out of bed and made her way to the bathroom where vital seconds were knocked off her beauty regime down to the bare essentials as she rushed around the house fully aware that she was seriously close to being late for work.

The bus, thank God, was on time, packed as usual with stony faced London commuters, some with their noses buried in the various Daily Rags, some still applying their make up and others staring out of the window at nothing in particular. She made her way to the upper deck hoping to find a  seat where she could sit for the 15 minute journey and compose herself. She still wasn’t quite used to this working lark having finished college only months previously. She’d already changed one job too in an aim to better herself. It was time she took stock and started to think more about her career path. Shop assistant in Hugo’s boutique wasn’t quite what she had been dreaming of during those tedious economic lessons.

The traffic from Pimlico to Piccadilly Circus was kind and she got off of the bus, stubbed out her cigarette and made her way to work with minutes to spare. Pleased with her timing she walked to the Trocadero Centre where the shop was situated wondering what the day would hold in store.

It was around lunch time that Fabrizio, her Italian colleague asked if he could take the first lunch today as his friends were coming to meet him.

‘Sure no worries.’

Fabrizio was a good laugh, a bit of  a shirker and she knew he was helping himself to some of the stock too but she was in no managerial position to chide him and she didn’t want to. In a ‘if you can’t beat them join them’ attitude she also helped herself to garments as they came in and took her fancy.

She was hanging stock up around the shop when he walked in. Her tummy was rumbling and she was mentally counting the money in her purse to see if she would have enough for a hot lunch today or would it be yet another sandwich day again? She knew if she were to give up her 20-a-day habit she would free up enough money to eat properly but she didn’t want to. This was London in the 80’s, everyone smoked and she was finally living on her own and making her own rules, No way was she ready to stop.

It was the rowdy laughter over by the till that dragged her away from her internal accounts. She glanced over and saw him.

‘Wow.’

She stretched higher in her old, worn boots, widened her eyes and put on her most gorgeous ‘Here I am’ smile. He saw her. She moved towards the commotion, drawn like a patient to her hypnotist.

‘This is my friend Giovanni. We’re off to lunch now see you in about an hour.’

‘Hi.’ It stuck in her throat and must have sounded so weird. ‘Have a great lunch.’ What? Why was she coming out with this stupid stuff? She took her place behind the till and watched as they left the shop laughing and chatting in Italian, an idiotic smile stamped on her face. Her hand making its way up to wave until she mentally took over her brain and bodily functions again. She was hooked. He was gorgeous. Could she even allow herelf to think she may be able to get herself such a catch? It was a long shot but there was no harm in trying, right?

And then she saw him turn back to look for her, heaven had landed.

This is my interpretation of prompt 3. Taking Stock: where are you now? – Inspired by It’s a Mummy’s Life and her beautiful post exploring that question. In Josie’s Writing Workshop this week.

I started my blog back in January as a means of helping me find my writing skills and I have only concentrated on my blog leaving any ideas lost in my head for another time. I’ve been reflecting quite a bit and have decided it’s time to have a go and here it is, a second rewrite of an idea that has been whizzing around for quite some time. A brave step for me.

I would love to hear ANY feedback, good, bad and the ugly. I cannot go forward unless I know where I am making mistakes. If you would like to leave a comment I’d be very grateful.

Hope you enjoyed it though! Please go over and have a look at some of the other entries all of which are really interesting and windows on the world around us

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18 Comments leave one →
  1. hayley permalink
    23/09/2010 4:39 pm

    really reading,ive been left wanting to know more,so come on!!!

  2. wendy permalink
    23/09/2010 5:30 pm

    I was lurking 🙂 … I want to know more … much more! Very good and captivating.

    • 24/09/2010 7:06 am

      Thanks Wendy. It’s amazing how insecure writing makes you feel, especially when you put it out there for all to see. Lurk more often! 🙂

  3. Lies permalink
    23/09/2010 5:45 pm

    I’m not an expert but I liked it!
    The good – As Hayley said, you left us wanting more.
    The bad – “Her hand making it’s way (…)” (its)
    The ugly – “Wow” (I’d put a dot.)
    You asked for all of it so I add the picky comments also – I hope this doesn’t make me come across as a horrible person (I make mistakes also…) because I really truly liked the story. Let us know how it ends!

    • 24/09/2010 6:52 am

      thank you Lies, that’s exactly the kind of help I need. Sadly I was rushing towards the end and relied on the wordpress spellcheck that doesn’t always pick up on grammar mistakes
      Wow – dot or exclamation mark?
      Thanks , very helpful

  4. kalendarze permalink
    23/09/2010 5:56 pm

    nice and really interesting. Thank you for this post.

  5. 23/09/2010 7:54 pm

    Very good. Gave me butterflies, which is always a good sign.

    • 24/09/2010 7:04 am

      Thank you! I shall write a bit more very soon – girls permitting of course!

  6. 24/09/2010 7:27 am

    Lovely piece Mari, very evocative and intriguing. I liked the humour as well. Keep on writing – you’re doing great. Hope all is well in your world…

    I did the workshop too this week, drop over if you have a second….

    http://greatttt.wordpress.com/2010/09/22/waiting-writing-workshop/

  7. Vicki permalink
    24/09/2010 12:43 pm

    I feel like I have just started reading a book, and had to put it down, I’m left with that feeling of wondering and would normally be looking forwards to steeling another 30 minutes to read the next chapter.

    • 24/09/2010 1:24 pm

      Wow. Thanks Vicki, that’s a lovely compliment. I’ll have to get round to the next bit soon in that case. 🙂

  8. 26/09/2010 6:58 pm

    oooooh awesome! I’ve totally been there, with the stupid grin and loss of control over my body! *sigh* men, eh!

    • 27/09/2010 1:14 pm

      Thanks Livi. I thin the toal loss is something we all do – even the best of us 🙂

  9. 04/11/2010 5:28 pm

    I love it and can’t wait to read more!

    Subscribing to your feed and sitting at my reader, waiting………

    xx00,

    RMW

Trackbacks

  1. Chapter 1.3 « Mari's World
  2. The Gallery – Body Parts and Happy Blogversary to Mari’s World « Mari's World

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