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Words that begin with the letter C

27/09/2010

Christmas is one and there has already been chat on Twitter about it today. In fact my local Morrisons has an aisle already filling up with chocolates (Hero’s, Celebrations and Quality Street, 1kilo boxes for less than half price so I bought two for good measure) advent calendars and toys to tempt the dozy shopper into thinking ahead. It worked on me but maybe I got myself a bargain.

Then there is the forbidden ‘c’ word which automatically springs to mind but I’m not here to talk about that today as My ‘C’ word is cancer, a word that sends shivers up our spines and makes us cross our fingers and call ‘Fey knights’.

Yes, cancer has been detected in my family so it’s too close for my liking. It’s one of those ‘it’ll never happen to me/mine’ kind of diseases that you keep at bay and fingers crossed it works but then when you least expect it it’s ugly head rises to completely piss you off.

It’s mum, my mum who is so healthy and such a great lover of life that I’m still in disbelief and praying that the necessary ops that have been completed have succeeded in exterminating the bugger from every single cell in her body.

I’ve kept quiet about this all summer as I have been mega positive in thinking – it was detected early; they’ve come leap years ahead with their treatments these days; and she’s so healthy it has to be just a blip. I’ve also been strong for her. It goes without saying that the word when declared over a desk by an authoritive surgeon must scare the living daylights out of you. Mum has understandably been tearful, scared and worried of her future, not wanting to dwell too much on the ‘What ifs’ but there again having to.

Once the shock has set in, you do let yourself contemplate the future without that special person in your life and it’s frightening. The inner turmoil, the panic and the realisation that it could happen drove me into an ‘I don’t want to lose her, I’m not ready for that.’

Selfishly speaking, I moved away from the UK to live in Italy at 19 and didn’t come back until 2004 by which time she had happily remarried (which I am very happy for) but of course I couldn’t have her completely to myself to make up for all of our lost time. And it’s always been a regret that she didn’t get to enjoy my first two children as much as she would have liked due to the distance. (Ryanair wasn’t around back then I’m afraid!) So now I have my goregous twins who make her laugh with their funny antics, I want to have her around always, to watch them grow and to be there when I need my mum.

Our family has already suffered at the hands of cancer. My Paul lost his adored mother in 2007. She didn’t go down without a fight and put up a massive 15 year battle, losing breasts, hair, soft skin and lean ankles on the way but never her spirit nor her laughter. We still talk about Vera and our Alice has taken her second name in her memory. (Bessie after my great grandmother just in case you were wondering)

When mum first told me about the ‘white spot’ they’d discovered on her last mammogram. I wasn’t really worried as she herself told me it hadn’t spread, it was the least scary of the breast cancers and would be quick and easy to abolish for good. However it was a month later when she said she had a mark on the sole of her foot that she hadn’t noticed before and on speaking to a consultant that had to be cut out too. Then I got scared.

After her first lumpectomy the results came back 98% clear so she has had to go back in for another op to be on the safe side. And tomorrow she sees the surgeon about her foot results and I am praying for good news.

Please God, it’s all been taken away and we can carry on as normal without this dreadful doom hanging over us.

October is cancer aware month. I completed a Race For Life walk last year raising over £200 and I always dig as deep as I can when I see cancer charity boxes. It would be a dream come true to participate in the Inca Trail with Fearne Cotton, Alexander  Burke and Denise Van Outen as Machu Picchu is on my ‘Must See’ list but for now I’m happy to nip over and donate at Virgin Money for their good cause.

Maybe you’d like to consider a donation too?

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8 Comments leave one →
  1. amy wilders permalink
    27/09/2010 3:57 pm

    Wishing your mum all the best. Hope she gets the all clear xxx

  2. 27/09/2010 4:12 pm

    Oh I am so sorry, you know all about my dealings with cancer and I am more than happy to chat should you wish – I will be keeping my fingers crossed

    • 28/09/2010 7:26 am

      Thanks, I’m really hoping it’s all over here but this scare has been a wake up call at how easy it is to become a victim. I shall be in touch. xx

  3. 02/10/2010 9:14 pm

    *hugs* cancer is a truly awful disease and it seems to take the best people down. I have everything crossed for all of you

    • 03/10/2010 2:20 pm

      We’ve had one set of results back and thank goodness they’re benign now just waiting for the second results for the breast cancer scare.

  4. Glenys Harris permalink
    05/10/2010 11:17 pm

    Wishing your mum strength and positivity,hoping for good results. Stay strong and cherish every moment together even the mundane ones.

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