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I’m 13, I’m on the pill and my mum doesn’t know

05/11/2010

I don’t know about you but when I heard this article on the BBC news the other day it made my hair curl. This is so very wrong I don’t know where to start.

How did our society become so blase’ about underage sex? Should we really be thinking ‘Oh well, the kids are doing it anyway so let’s just make sure they don’t get pregnant.’? Should we honestly be thinking that a 13 year old knows what she’s doing when she tries sex for the first time?

I find it so very, very disappointing that instead of educating these young lost souls to have more self esteem and be proud of their bodies, to wait and to not be in a hurry we are actually encouraging them to do something they are not ready for by saying, ‘Don’t worry, you won’t get pregnant if you take one of these every day.’ and what’s more your mum doesn’t have to know.

This maybe the worst part of it all. What do you mean I don’t have to know???? This young girl who I have brought into the world and spent 13 years raising to the best of my abilities, YOU can now overstep me on one of her most important decisions, one that lies very close to my heart and one I would personally like to guide her through with open talks and discussion and not leave it up to a couple of government pamphlets handed out by the local Health Centre or a pharmacy who have no idea who that little girl is and couldn’t care less about her or her outcome.

You, government, are wrong.

In fact I’d go as far to say that your whole sexual education program is way too advanced for my liking. Do we really have to include sexual awareness at infant school? Do we really have to teach our little ones about the choice of being gay at 5 years old? Surely that can wait until they are ready to understand?

I’m a firm believer in giving the information when the child asks for it and therefore showing an interest in gaining knowledge in a particular area. There’s a time and a place.

I remember in my day, there were a couple of girls in my year who bragged about going to bed with boys in first year seniors but they weren’t seen as clever, actually they were seen to be doing something ‘wrong’. Mr Wilson gave us our sex education lessons amongst plenty of sniggers and embarrassing squirms and I think I can say for the majority of us, it was just interesting to know but that was it. End of.

So why does it seem to me that these days there are more paedophiles out there? Why has the age when teenagers try sex lowered so drastically? Has our very ‘open’ society actually backfired on us? Or is it like they say, more media and therefore more news? I don’t think so. I think the problem has spun totally out of control and we’re well overdue a complete rethink on how we tackle this delicate subject with our fiery, hormonal teens.

Let’s face it, our society today is a mess and needs a massive clean up, far too many children are left to their own devices, are abused by their parents or worse still encouraged to fight the law of the land and become drifters living on benefits and sponging off the state.

How do you feel about your 13 year old being able to take the pill WITHOUT your consent? Am I really in the minority here?

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18 Comments leave one →
  1. 05/11/2010 7:20 pm

    Actually, I think it’s really important to be able to get the pill without your parents’ knowledge or consent. For me, I would really hope that my girls grow up with enough knowledge and with a good enough relationship with me and their dad that they would discuss it, but I would much rather know that there is a way and a means for them to obtain contraception, should they be uncomfortable discussing it with us.

    I don’t believe that the age people start having sex has lowered considerably. I think there has always been a wide variety – my mum was 13, I was 14, my sister (as far as I know) hasn’t been there yet and she’s almost 25 – of ages. What has changed is that today’s children are much more informed about sex and, frankly, that can only be a good thing.

    I don’t think being educated about sex (however young) means you’re more likely to go out and do it. Actually, I think it’s quite likely to put you off for a bit longer, because it’s less of a mystery and taboo – and we all know how tempting mysteries and taboos can be.

    There are also no more paedophiles than there have ever been – there’s just a lot more media talk about them, so it seems that way. And do you really think no-one ever used to abuse children before we had an ‘open’ society? Of course, they did. At least now, some of those children are made aware that this abuse is wrong and that there are people out there who can help them. In a less ‘open’ society, it wouldn’t stop, it would just be even more hidden.

  2. 06/11/2010 4:13 pm

    Gawd, your argument is so well put that I’m almost changing my mind! Thanks for that point of view.
    I see your point on so many factors put forward but there’s something deep down inside that’s just not convincing me.
    I’ll have to think harder 🙂
    thanks so much for your opinion

    • 06/11/2010 7:41 pm

      Oh, thank you! I’m generally awful at putting my opinions across, so that makes me feel very happy. And… ask me again in 9 years – I may have a completely different opinion, then!

      • 06/11/2010 9:51 pm

        You know, it’s weird I thought being so opinionated there would be a lot more comments on this but it’s just me and you! Or are people afraid to speak up? after all it is an important issue isn’t it?

  3. Alessandra permalink
    07/11/2010 10:36 am

    Much as I understand parents’ concern about this matter and much as I hope that most parents are willing and open to discussing sexual education with their childre, I also know that reality is different and I think it is vital that young boys and girls have access to contraception without the parents having to be automatically informed. The reverse would not change the way things are but it would increase the number of unwanted pragnancies amongst the very young.

    • 08/11/2010 1:43 pm

      Thanks alessandra, spot on as always with your point of view, always a pleasure to listen to what La Smit comes up with 🙂
      Maybe because right now my girls are so small and dependant on me I struggle to think of them breaking away and making their own decisions without consulting me – even if I have already been threre and done it with Megan and Thomas.

  4. 07/11/2010 1:42 pm

    I’m afraid I agree with the other commenters, too. As shocking and upsetting as it would be to find out your daughter’s having underage sex, it’s not about you; it’s about her safety. There are some kids who could not discuss this with their parents, who might find themselves in danger if they did, in fact. Not every girl comes from a loving home. Anyone over 12 has always been able to see the doctor on their own, and I think it’s important that continues. At least a responsible adult (doctor or pharmacist or nurse) is looking out for them.

    I do think that educating kids in self-esteem is important, and teaching boys and girls about relationships should be a priority. But there has to be sex education too, and I don’t think it can wait. By the time we had sex ed classes in my school, one of the girls in my year had got pregnant and dropped out. (She was 14.) Kids are aware of sex at a young age (I remember there being condoms in our junior school car park, and we all knew what they were, even if we weren’t quite sure what they were for — to be honest, the mystery around it was more scary than anything else.)

    I also have to take issue with the idea that being gay is a choice; it isn’t. And the idea that it’s somehow a sordid subject for young people — it’s no more sordid than two people of different sexes being in love.

    If young people are increasingly being taught acceptance, maybe one day we’ll see an end to hate crimes and gay teen suicide. Bring on that day, I say.

    My only worry with this initiative is it sounds like it’s focusing on preventing pregnancy, but doesn’t say anything about STDs, and I’d argue that HIV is perhaps a worse consequence.
    I hope the teens in question are getting condoms, too.

    • 08/11/2010 1:55 pm

      Brilliantly put Diane – thank you so much.
      The more I read everyone’s views the more I see sense and change my own to a certain extent. I’m not so blinded as to not see the problem out there. I know something must be done and this brings me to question the plans put forward which were shocking I must admit when I think of my own girls being able to take choices like that.
      I hope I didn’t come across as misunderstanding gay issues. I certainly don’t think of ‘gay’ as sordid and I know there’s more to it than ‘a choice’, my question was on the choice to start bringing this issue up in infant school which I find exessive. Can’t we just teach them nursery rhymes, 123 and ABC for now? Surely speech, games and drawing are more of a priority than teaching sexual choices?

      I am totally with you on the end hate crime and gay teen suicide point. Of course we, as a society, need to deal with this and find an end. and I totally agree about the STD and HIV issue.

      I just hope that there is more to this than handing out contraceptive pills and turning a blind eye.

  5. 07/11/2010 10:27 pm

    Mari – I wrote about this the day it came out in the media and was also surprised at the lack of “outrage” to be honest. I also had some comments via Twitter that felt I had a very negative view but I was trying to open a discussion about it. Having said that, there are some FABULOUS comments on my post but I still think it’s very taboo and if someone makes a point about how they feel this is the right thing to do, they will be shot down.

    I think that Tasha has a brilliant outlook on it all and sort of says everything I want people to say and believe but I’m still in the mindset that 13 year olds are children (babies, even).

    Here is my original post
    http://www.iamtypecast.com/2010/11/contraceptives-for-kids.html

    • 08/11/2010 1:59 pm

      Thankk Nickie, I shall pop over and read asap…I’m glad I’m not the only one who sees 13 year olds as babies still. I must be getting old, it worries me seeing as I will be approaching 60 as my girls become teens and have these issues to confront. Will I have the stamina and clear sense of mind to guide them on their journey? Hope so.

      • 08/11/2010 4:49 pm

        Well, from the other end of the scale – I was 18 when I had my daughter and she now has two children of her own at age 19. She got pregnant at age 16 the first time. I *have* the energy and I’m close in age to my children so I can’t see how that argument can stand up, if that makes sense.

        It doesn’t matter how old/young we are – we *have* to find the strength to cope with it all and remember that they have their own minds, their own values and their own peer pressures. The viewpoints on here that say we have to give them the information and be there to support them are right – it just takes a lot of guts to let them get on with it.

      • 09/11/2010 4:18 pm

        I had a similar situation, had my two by the time I was 24 and we sailed through the sex ed bit as we were close and there was dialogue. Sometimes I do worry if I’ll have that contact with the twins as there will be such an enormous age gap, it could make it more difficult.
        I suppose it’s just me just voicing my worries of the future and hoping I have the same rapport again. 🙂

  6. 08/11/2010 2:03 am

    Can I vote for you?! At the next election, I want to vote for you!
    Yes, yes and yes to everything you say! Totally agree. Society is just such a mess and people have given up trying to fix it, instead it’s just “well, let’s try damage limitation.”
    Sod damage limitation! Fix the damned country!
    *runs off before she goes off on one!*

    • 08/11/2010 2:00 pm

      I wouldn’t be prime minister for all the tea in china! A terrible job with no time off and everyone always up against you. No, no no not for me 🙂

  7. 08/11/2010 6:33 am

    Bravo. I’m also appalled. However, I’m not sure what’s to be done about it. Seems to me that the real fixing needs to be done on a family level, and that good old-fashioned values should come back into vogue. That’s nothing that can be instituted by government. I wish there were a way to de-sexualize society, so that girls (and boys) could be re-sensitized to the importance of intimacy.

    Oh, I’ll get off my soapbox now.

    • 08/11/2010 2:03 pm

      Lovely, Rivki, thank you for your tuppence worth.
      We do need to look back at how we were and import some of those values like you say to today’s life but after reading everyone’s comments I think it be too late, we’ve now got to tackle this issue a different way. When I see Primark ( a huge chainstore here in the UK) selling padded bikinis to 7 year olds, I do think it’s wrong and thank the people out there who are tryiong to put a stop to it.

  8. 08/11/2010 3:53 pm

    Mari,

    I agree 100% with your point about this tragedy in our society. Unfortunately I’ve come across parents that have said “Well, kids cannot control themselves anyway, so why don’t we just give them the necessary contraception?” and it’s an absolute mess. My solution is for parents to discuss sexuality with their teenagers using Theology of the Body for teens, which was great in my own experience and now there is a government funded program called Healthy Respect here in New York. Any combination of those things would be effective in allowing teenagers to understand the importance of this issue and it would avoid trivializing the whole subject.
    That’s my solution, and I’d rather focus on solving the problem, than simply giving up, which is what some people in our society do. These issues begin at home with the family, and the family should be the one tackling these issues first, before the doctor or health practicioner.
    Thanks again for the thought provoking read and I look forward to hearing more in your quest to protect our children in this society. Take Care!

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