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Lost! Can you help me find my mojo?


What shall I wear today?

It’s been a few years now that I have been feeling out of sorts with myself, just not quite getting it right, and I have brushed these ideas away with a ‘Get over it’ attitude and diving back into my busy busy life but after reading Nickie’s post today I decided to put these thoughts into words and down on paper where I may (hopefully) come up with a lightbulb moment and yes, get over it once and for all.

You see, I went through most of my 30’s a highly confident, happy individual despite the nightmare slowly evolving around me. I felt I had finally found myself. I was choosing the clothes to wear that suited me and I felt very comfortable. My children were old enough to not be dependant on me constantly and this allowed me to have a bit of life back after the complete sacrifices of toddlerdom. I felt good in what I was wearing and how I presented myself to the outside world. I was happy being me. I was getting it right.

Right now, I contemplate being 45 next year. It’s always at the back of my mind. How do I feel about it? Honestly? I’m ok with the number, for me it is just that, a number, the problem that’s bothering me is I’m not happy with myself. I don’t like my hair style. After decades of trying Every Single Style and Colour on the market I’m in ‘undecided’ land. The same goes for clothes. I will admit to being a bit of a clothes horse (finances depending) but nowadays I seem to pull on jeans every single day, team with a t shirt, top or other nondescript item – it’s going to get dirty anyway with two two year olds hanging off me from dusk till dawn. And when I do try for an evening out I’m never satisfied that I got it right. I don’t wear make up anymore. Who for? The postman? Even my perfume is only used these days for special occasions.

I’ve lost my mojo and I don’t know where to find it?

I still need to shed my mummy twin flab tummy. If I was honest I could probably solve this in a month or two, but that’s the trouble, it’s not that bad and so I let it drift whilst I enjoy a well deserved glass of wine at the weekend, the odd delicious curry packed with calories and chocolates, my most favourite food on planet Earth and I just berate myself about it as I step off the scales each day.

I mean as much as I adore my girls they do take away all my time – and I mean all of it – 100%. I don’t mind that but I do mind when I look in the mirror and see a shadow of my former self look back with lines around her eyes despite the eye cream religiously applied, with grey hairs appearing along the parting (I know I’ve only a few and I’m terribly lucky but still they are here to stay and bothering me now)

What’s the answer? Winning the lottery and paying a stylist, personal trainer and top hairdresser to sort me out. Well, actually that would be fabulous, if you can work that one out for me. What about applying to one of the UK’s magazines for a makeover? Now that would be a dream too but I’ve always thought they were fixed, you know, knowing someone to get a foot through the door kind of thing. No, I fear I may have to invest more time and thought into this one if I’m not to let it get on top of me because that is what happens when we’re not happy with ourselves anymore.

How should a 45 year old look these days? Thank goodness in this day and age it’s not’ Time Out’ for us. We are allowed to dress fashionably, wear our hair long should we wish and dip in and out of Topshop and other fashionable high street stores as we please. But there’s a fine line between looking like ‘mutton dressed as lamb’ and looking yourself.

Answers on a postcard please. Have you had this internal battle and what steps did you take to get your mojo back?

10 Comments leave one →
  1. 15/11/2010 6:01 pm

    Hi Mari,

    Thanks for stopping by.

    I can completely relate to your feeling of losing your “mojo”. I used to be very confident in how I dressed and how I styled my hair, even if I pretty basically always wore jeans and t-shirts! I spent most of my time at horse shows or in the barn, so it just made sense.

    Now I still wear jeans and t-shirts, but I wonder if I should perhaps try and mix it up a bit? Am I too old to get away with the totally casual look? Would it really hurt me if I tried to put a little lipstick on before I left the house?

    Fortunately, I don’t have a lot of time to worry about it, or a lot of time to shop, so it’s not something I obsess about too much…

    Anyway, let me know if you figure out the answer!



  2. 15/11/2010 8:13 pm

    I know exactly how yoou feel. I am not a different shape with my mummy tummy and no breasts and I have no idea what to wear or how to wear it! I think we need an overhaul!

    • 17/11/2010 3:15 pm

      The minute my numbers come up on the lottery I’ll tweet you and we’ll have a massive makeover party somewhere xx

  3. Alessandra permalink
    16/11/2010 9:39 am

    Jeans, T-shirt, non descriptive items of clothing, no make up, tiredness lines on the face and a bit of grey in the parting? It sounds like a Mum who’s got very young children, two in one go in this case!
    I bet there are very few women with a young family who are happy with what they see in the mirror and who have the time/energy to think seriously about their hair and clothes.
    My guess is that it will get better as lovely Bessie and Alice get a bit older, go to the nursery school or start to be a bit less of a 24/7 job (lovely as it is).
    In the meantime, why not do some homework: start thinking about a look that you would like to achieve maybe with the help of some catalogues or magazines from good shops like John Lewis; take a couple of hourse off from Mum’s duties on the occasional Saturday (surely Paul would not mind) and go to a branch of John Lewis or Zara and have a browse with a friend to get some ideas. I’d also say, stay clear of shops that cater for very young people (trying to do the same myself!!!): their clothes look good and trendy but are not made in shuch a way to suit more “grown up” ladies and are therefore a source of “suicidal” thoughts when you try then on. And when you are ready, go for less but better made, play with accessories to get a younger feel and with colour, although pink might be out nowadays (was it ever in?) there’s plenty of good colours to choose from, no need to wear just black and brown: deep purple, plummy colours, deep green (with dark hair I bet it is good on you), rusty colours, slate and all sorts of greys….xxx

    • 17/11/2010 3:16 pm

      Hello you! Didn’t expect to see you with WTM looming. Thanks always for your contribution. I ahve taken all on board but think it’s something inside that has to change first so I know where to go and feel comfortable again xxx

      • Alessandra permalink
        18/11/2010 9:18 am

        Hello again,
        WTM finished on Thursday last week: usual “casino” and soooo exhausting!
        Now, it’s time to think of Christmas and a visit to Italy!!!
        Lots of love xxx

  4. 16/11/2010 2:55 pm

    I go through this all of the time. I’m in the middle of it right now having gained 15 pounds in a year. I went from looking astonishing in a bikini to not even contemplating that sort of thing. And yet I still find it hard to just get up and DO something about it. Here is one idea that was working for me when I was all into my appearance– a visual board. Get online and just start looking up famous women in your age range. You see something you like– hair, outfit, body, makeup, etc. print it. Start posting the pictures either together and hang somewhere you get ready OR hang them all over the house.

    • 17/11/2010 3:19 pm

      A visual board – interesting stuff. I did the bikini thing too, haven’t gone near one since the girls arrived and can’t forsee that ahppening in the enar future either. Weight is a bummer and together with age is even worse as your metabolism slows down too making it doubly difficult to shift. I do look at famous people all the time but like I said I need to change inside first then tackle outside. Thanks for coming by and commenting

  5. 16/11/2010 4:29 pm

    I often wonder what a mum who is approaching 40 should wear. Are short skirts out? What about low cut tops? I have no idea. I look at my stepmother who is 50, she is very glam and trendy and has gorgeous clothes. She doesn’t look like mutton! I have loads of clothes but I’m rubbish at buying things that co-ordinate and feel I have still to develop a personal style. I could definitely use the help of a personal shopper and keep meaning to get one.

    • 17/11/2010 3:21 pm

      Apparently short skirts are out for us and anyway – I wouldn’t feel comfortable in a short skirt anymore but neither in a midi length or a frumpy one, low cut tops leave me on show all the time as I am constantly bending down to attend to the girls and flashing for all and sundry, not good. I just need to find my way forward and then I’ll be ok. It’ll come in time I’m sure and I’ll share when it does!

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